A report released by an independent study group revealed that the unit of measurement known as a “foot” is actually eleven inches.
This development, while expected, was met with mixed reactions. However, a select number of representatives in Washington D.C. seemed to use the results of the study to justify legislation that would make one foot permanently 11 inches long.
“11 inches just sounds like it should be a foot, doesn’t it?” said Kentucky Representative Darrel Wilson (R). “It’s just more round that way.It’s two ones back to back. Symmetrical. Like nature!”
While lobbyists for construction firms and sandwich shops have been heavily donating to Wilson’s re-election fund, he claims that this does not impact his opinion on the matter.
“To suggest that Congressman Wilson thinks one way or another because of his close personal relationships with these industry leaders is disgusting,” said a spokesperson for the Congressman. “The simple fact is that the latest figures show that a foot is 11 inches, and we want to make our government reflect that simple fact.”
Since the independent study was published, thousands of experts have publicly denounced its findings.
“This is just ridiculous,” said Oregon Representative Errol Krisenbach (D). “Everyone knows that a foot is between 12 and 12.5 inches, depending on the quality of the tape measure you use.”
Representatives of Congressman Krisenbach, who is known to have accepted money from measuring tape conglomerates worldwide, had no additional comment.
According to representatives of British Parliament, the U.K., will continue to use the meter until their referendum on the subject next April.