STATEMENT: Addicts Know What’s Best For Their Own Bodies
According to a statement released today by the Department of Health Services, drug addicts “don’t need any more help and can make their own decisions.” […]
BREAKING: “Elementary School Is A Myth” Declares Committee
In a shocking report released by a special investigative committee earlier this week, it has been revealed that elementary school, defined here as an institution […]
QUOTE: “Lying Is Impossible” Says White House Press Secretary
White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced today that everyone is telling the truth all the time and that lying is impossible.
BREAKING: Cell Phones Do Not Exist
In a release made by the Department of Consumer Technology, it was revealed today that cell phones do not actually exist.
STUDY: Most Birds Are Flightless
A study published yesterday in Bird Facts Quarterly confirmed what some Americans have theorized for generations: Most birds cannot actually fly.
EXCLUSIVE: Are You Living at the Wrong Address?
As many as 80% of Americans, or roughly 270,000,000 people, are living at the incorrect street address or house number according to a new report […]